So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God (Colossians 1:10 NIV)
I have a thirst that can't be quenched, a hunger that can't be satisfied and a desire that is burning deeper than my heartbeat. It is the quest for God and it has taken on a life of its own. I am on a mission to bring my relationship with Him into fruition and I'm lapping up the glory as I delve deeper into his heart and mind. Intertwined, we walk together and he directs me towards the next steps I need to take to deepen my faith and understanding. I now know what it means to be in relationship with God and know that no matter what life throws at me, that is not going to change. I am a new creation and He is my saviour, my Lord, my life.
It seems odd that as my relationship has been growing, I have reduced my time spent blogging my experiences. It has not meant that I am not growing, just that God and I needed another way to communicate so I have honoured that and have been learning to talk to him, rather than just write. It has created a new space for my thoughts to enter and be replaced with new modes of thinking. In the last week I have dedicated myself to studying 'The Glory School' DVD’s by Patricia King, where I watch, write and learn the basics for being a child of God and growing in the supernatural. It has been one of the best weeks I have had in months as I feel the pain and resistance to happiness weakening and clarity finally shining through. I am a keen student and realise with immense pleasure, that in God, the learning never stops. I am free to lap it up for the rest of my days and to continue to grow in glory. It is exciting times!
Of course, my mind is not yet fixed so to speak. I am still battling daily with the demons and spirits of darkness that have attached themselves to me over the years, but this is fine, I am getting stronger in faith and therefore I am more patient with myself and my journey. I see my life as a mixture of two puzzles, the old me and the new me, the centre part already found, but now is the task of finding all the right pieces to create the whole, real me again. The big difference this time, is that I believe the old puzzle wont creep back in over time, I have faith that this is the beginning of my life, not as I previously thought, the end. As my understanding of God and His Kingdom deepen, so does my desire to find out who I am and the revelations are both surprising and comforting. I hid behind a wall afraid that who I was, was a terrible person, worthless and of no use to me or the world around me. I now see that who I am in Jesus is perfect and I am working hard to align my mind with this belief.
Some days the journey is harder, I am confronted with the reality of my situation in the natural world, my diagnosis, my work worries, financial and appearance issues creep back in and throw me into the dark hole from which I have begun to emerge. But when I sink back there, I use all my efforts to focus on the glory of God and find that this strength pulls me out gasping into the air of the supernatural realm where my earthly worries are merely lessons, not anchors, to help me grow. I find that the more emerged I get in the realm of God, the more I am thirsty to stay and play around, finding the real truth of the world I have been born into. My aim is to stand between the two borders, one foot in the supernatural, the other in the world and to operate out of the heart of my creator. Although I will be in this world, I will be living out of the Kingdom of God, rather than obeying the ways of the natural world. I still have a way to go, but I am on my way.
As part of my relationship with God, I lay down and listened to some worship music yesterday and let Him direct my visions where He desired them to go. I walked into the throne room and He sat in front of me, a giant in peach and white though I could see no visible identity until I was swept up and sat in His ear, resting just where He could hear me utter my words of love to him. He then held me in his hand and I nestled into his thumb, smiling, drunk on happiness and peace. The visions also led me to walking in a garden with Jesus, my dress in bloom with the flowers of spring and a tree in front of me. I imagined it to be the garden of Eden and relished the intense colours, the atmosphere, the reality of what God was promising me. The vision ended with me sat on a beach of pink and grey, a vision I often see when I look at the clouds in the early evening. I was above the world, looking down on the cars as they whizzed below me, a truly breathtaking and emotional half hour. I am blessed because he blessed me. I am free because He has freed me and I am me, because He is sweeping away the outmoded belief system and reminding me of who I am in Him. Glory to God.
Love Always.x
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