"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." (Colossians 2:6-7 NIV)
I didn’t manage to complete as many of the tasks I set for myself today as I did yesterday, but I am not disheartened. I am realistic. Not every day will run according to plan and its the way I deal with it that really matters, and I appear to have dealt with it well. My day started off badly as I woke up late, so my first plans were dismissed as I tried to gather myself and not spontaneously combust into a puff of angry smoke. It worked though, as I chose instead to get right down to Bible study, which extended itself to two hours rather than the planned one, that I had accommodated for. I am therefore not disgruntled with myself for not being able to fit in the small shopping trip to pick up the food items I forgot yesterday (my list reading whilst shopping seemed to be scanning rather than focusing!)
So the Bible study today consisted of reading the Gospel of Mark and writing the relevant parts that leap out at me. I only read four chapters as so many parts resonated within me and caused me to ponder their true meaning and significance. I can tell you, the Gospel of Mark is so far my favourite gospel! It has opened up a further door for me to explore within the glory realm and has expanded my heart and mind further. Jesus is like the bestest friend, teacher, partner, brother and idol all wrapped in one. He really is amazing me and I am actually sat here smiling just thinking about the parables and teaching that I have been lucky enough to read about today.
I asked God to open my mind and heart today so that I could understand the relevance of what I was reading. There were several parts that jumped out and reminded me of my own struggles, my own journey and the lessons that Jesus was trying to teach me. One was in Mark 5, and talked of a demon possessed man who lived in the mountains. He would cut his wrists with rocks and no one could restrain him. Very similar to the depths of darkness I have been in. Jesus healed the man by ridding him of the evil spirits, which returned him to a sane man. This man then asks Jesus if he can come with Him, as I have done many times (request to remove myself from this world), but instead Jesus tells him to let his family know that the Lord had mercy on him and healed him. This is exactly what I am doing. I have wanted many times to take my own life, but the Lord is asking me to talk about my experiences, to let people know that He is healing me, He has mercy on me. I tell people by writing about it on here and within my friends and family who also know of my struggles and salvation. The message of the story validated what I am doing and how I am honestly doing if for Him. Ahhh beautiful!
In Mark 8:22-24 Jesus heals a blind man. He first spits on his eyes and asks if he can see, but the man says the people look like trees, then:
"Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly." (Mark 8:25 NIV)
I feel that Jesus is doing this for me too. He is clearing my eyes so I can see the realm of glory clearer and clearer. At first things are not as they seem, but I know that the more I focus my sights on Jesus, the closer I am becoming to seeing things as they really are. I will be able to live with my eyes cleared, with the glory realm in full sight and watch as the heavens invade earth. He is clearing my eyes and with it my full sight, as it should be, is being restored.
In relevance to this, something clicked in me today and I am going to try my best to describe it here. When I read this part of Mark 7:20-23 (NIV), I had to sit and think for about 15minutes about its real meaning and relevance:
"He went on: What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean'. For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean'."
Now I'll be honest with you. I was a little bit scared that I was a very bad 'unclean' person when I read this. I continuously envy other women, wishing I was as attractive as they were/skinny/happy/successful and I didn’t really think there was anything wrong with this. I genuinely admire them, but equally wishfully lust after the things I would like for myself. I don't think I am alone in this either. I know many people who do the same thing. So I then thought, how is it ever possible to have a clean heart then, as some of the above are regular daily happenings not just for me but for many others too (not murders etc.). It was then I realised exactly why you can tell a person of God apart from most other people; they don't seem to display or even think the above thoughts. They seem pure. And the reason for this of course, is that they focus on the Lord. Their hearts are just focused on Him and He is love. So they can carry on with the rest of their lives but because they have focused on loving him, all the bad stuff just seems to seep out and disappear. This may sound fairly unbelievable but do you know something....I absolutely believe it to be true. Even I lose the anger, the self hate, the bitterness, whenever I choose to think of Him and over time, as my knowledge grows, that will just get better and better. In layman’s terms, when you come to love Jesus, your heart is cleansed back to what it should be. Before the man made world we live in tells us we should be different to who we truly are. Its fascinating and it made complete sense to me.
I am no longer reading the Bible just so I can know it. I am now reading the Bible and understanding its many messages and teachings, not just for me but for all people. The quotes I read are ones I have read before, just changed to a different author with different words, but the message is the same. I don't need to read the millions of self help books to gain an understanding of my mind and heart, the Bible is providing them all. Its like history, fact, entertainment, teachings and happiness all in one. It truly is a guide for life. As an early believer I didn’t really know what to expect, but it certainly isn’t what I have found. It has far exceeded my expectations and I love that I am still only new to it all. I have many more months to go to get a basic grip and then when I read it again, I will gain even more insight. I can see how people just survive on God alone, the Bible is so powerful, it reminds you of the true purpose of our existence. It cements the whys, the what ifs and the many questions science often can not answer. The book of God is magnificent and as a seasoned bookworm, I can assure you it is the best read yet.
Tomorrow is a busy day and its unlikely I will have time to write as I am starting on the Alpha course which will give me an understanding of Christianity and a place to voice my questions. I am really looking forward to it and of course, I am conscious that I remain true to only God and not 'religion' as such. I was advised by a great friend and mentor not to go as it may be very religious, but I am hoping that I can remain open minded and learn what I need to without being segregated into a specific sect. I will also continue my reading of Mark tomorrow and honestly am excited to find out the next couple of chapters and the gems within them. This journey has just started to take an upward bend, couldn’t be happier. Thank you Lord.
Love Always.x
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