"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8 NIV)
The last few day my boyfriend has been home, he usually works away so we only get one weekend in two together. It is hard, but it makes it even more special to focus on each other when we do have the time. That is why I chose not to write last weekend, instead I dedicated my time purely to being a girlfriend as I am very aware that I have not been doing the greatest job at this, of late. Having mental instabilities does not just affect the person who has them. The close circle of family, partner and friends also suffer the often emotionally challenging conflicts and behaviours of the one who is is ill. These recent months I have been so absorbed in my own thought patterns that I have neglected to see the struggles and pain that my own close knit group have been facing.
I am especially aware that my close family and boyfriend have had to put their worries and emotional issues on the back burner whilst focusing on me. I do feel guilt about this and resent having to be mothered again at the grand old age of 26, but it can't be helped. I have been put here for a reason and whatever that reason is, has required me to go through a lot of adversity to find the real truth. Without my close family, supportive boyfriend and patient friends, my healing process would have lasted much longer and could have been much more severe. The very nature of my illness has me acting like a confident show girl on the one hand and a paranoid loner on the other. It is debilitating, but I am coming out of it's grip. I am emerging, I am surviving and I know that my support network has had a huge part to play in this.
My turning to God, has left me with a thirst for the knowledge of truth in not just my life but other peoples as well. I have often felt like giving up the fight, finally turning my back on the world and escaping for good. The Lord has held me higher than I have ever held myself and He is now allowing me to reflect on the journey and the people who have allowed me to continue on, regardless of my pain. I am not indulgent in my misery, I am just opening my eyes that He has given me and I am seeing that we all face our own personal battles. Often, you will never know just how hard the wall is your neighbour has had to climb. Often, you can't feel the pain, the loneliness, that someone else’s heart has had to hold. But, we can all feel the love that can be extended from person to person and place to place. The Lord has merely opened my eyes and my heart so that I can see as He intended us to see, with a pure heart and a pure mind.
We are not of this world therefore we are united. We use material possessions to dominate and separate us, forgetting that they are separate entity’s, merely designed as tools not weapons. You can feel the pain or passion of another, just by opening your eyes and heart, no matter who that person is or what they have been through. The Lord has done this for me, so I can look upon the treasures of my life with renewed appreciation. But even more, I have renewed faith in humankind because really we are not all that different. We were born the same and we will choose our path, remembering the good moments as those where we loved the most and those are the memories we savour, the ones we cherish. I choose to cherish them all, fill my life with love and laughter and appreciate everyone for the exceptional people they are, even if they don't see it yet, even if I don't yet see it in myself. To me, Jesus died for us to see the beauty of each person, both you and me. Beyond forgiveness of sins, the new command was given to love one another. I choose to focus as much on this as I can. He is cleansing and renewing me every day.
Love Always.x
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