"If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." John 8:36 (KJV)
I am a new woman. Tonight I have been a for an amazing meal with my boyfriend and had two small glasses of wine.........that's all. This is a new event for me. I have never, since I first started drinking, been able to stop after two glasses. I even walked past a local pub that I would regularly be drinking the bar dry from, and decided to get a taxi home! I am amazed, shocked, but most of all incredibly proud. That girl I used to be, is on the way out and I couldn’t be happier.
Today was a beautiful day. I spent quality time with one of my biggest heroes (my mum) and my boyfriend has returned home for the weekend to spend time with me. Whilst me and my mum were shopping together today, I noticed a closeness between us, a silent knowing that we were coming out of the rough times and into greener pastures. It wasn’t said so much as it was apparent and felt in our energy throughout the day. To then get glammed up and go out with my boyfriend for a meal was the perfect finish. Without the excessive drinking and desperation to move on to get wrecked, I was able to enjoy the pleasure of just being around this wonderful man.
The true testament of my faith has been shown today. Whilst I still feel the anger bubbling at times and still have that urge to party all night, I have chosen to be true to what I now believe is my destiny. I could never have imagined that I would ever be strong enough to go out and face the challenge of my past vices and walk the other way. I honestly am floored by the will power and more than that, the devotion that I have to not only bettering my life, but walking in my faith. I have allowed the real me to know when enough is enough and my thirst for being sedated from life is nowhere near as strong as my thirst for being closer to God.
The statement that 'I am a new creation' was literally my theme for the day. The person that I forgot existed was out there experiencing life with no aid or desire to escape. It is a real turning point for me and although I am slightly tipsy as I write, I am actually writing. I could not ignore the burning desire to be close to God and writing is how I feel that connection the most. Life will continue to go on around me and with me, but in my heart I knew I needed closeness to my Lord. I actually miss Him. He truly is in my heart and I yearn for Him, a deep desire that needs to be filled. It's not even a conscious thing anymore, its just a passion, a willing to be close to the one who made me.
It will also be a beautiful weekend for me, I am staying in a hotel with my boyfriend tomorrow, a belated anniversary gift and I am going out for an early birthday meal with my sister and my friends on the Sunday. It is unlikely I will have time to write until Monday, which I am sure I will find really hard. This has become more than just a documentation of my daily life and thoughts, it fills a void in me that only God has been able to fulfil. I love these moments because as I learn more about myself, I also learn and yearn more about my creator. It is such a blessing to be able to open my heart and to know that the reason I am doing it is because he has guided me to do so. I am going to enjoy every quality moment this weekend with the people I love, but just because I am unable to write will not mean I am unable to spend time in his presence. I will do so, as I do every day, with truth and with love. It is what I was made for and it is the reason, I will never walk away from what so far has been the most exciting journey I have ever taken.
Love Always.x
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