Poem To Understand Myself

 "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." (Hebrews 10:36) 

Changes are happening, but they are slow. I am stale and confused at the moment, so today I will write a poem, that way I can try and get some clarity on the emotions and thoughts I am dealing with. My poems as with my daily diaries are a flow of emotions that spill out of me, often too quickly for me to keep up with. If you are reading my blog, then know that as you are reading this and finding out about me and my journey with the Lord, I too am doing the same. I am not always right, I may often be very naive, but always I assure you, I am writing because I truly believe the Lord, my God wants me to. So, I will grow, I will undoubtedly stumble, but hopefully these experiences will create whatever the Lord intended them too. That is my hope and the reason that as hard as it sometimes can be, I will continue to write.

Believe me now as I share my mind
Don't judge me or confront me unless your intention is kind
I do not understand myself, I do not know my heart
I stand on the corner of a life that really fell apart

Out here I stand, out here I cry
Out here, I wave my past goodbye
But in the future what will I be
Will I finally understand what it means to be me

I cast off all disguises, I throw them to the wind
I leave behind the tortured soul, its pain and all its sins
I emerge into a world unknown pleading to be saved
Its here in this strange opening, that in glory I am bathed

I sit in transition, unsure of what to do
Do I follow Jesus or do I not follow through
Do I run back to the life I had, the past I can't forget
Or is it now impossible as I've finally cut the net

I cry and cry to myself and ask what I should do
Sometimes I wonder if I can give it all up for You
Please answer me with honesty Lord, you always tell me straight
That souls can always be saved, it doesn’t matter how late

What a peculiar path I am walking, what a world we live in too
That making a choice to follow the Lord, makes me a stranger to the me I knew
Does it matter that I sometimes resent my choice to walk away
Does craving the darkness mean that I will never really stay

How do you know when you are ready to fight and ready to lay down your heart
How do you know that the path your on won't end up tearing you apart
I guess in my experience I could only offer to say
That if you wake up wanting more, then glory is your day

If you thirst for more than just the hope of promised land
If you can take the judgement of often being the first to stand
If you can look upon this walk as the walk that saved your life
Then no matter what comes your way, you'll battle through the heartache and strife

No one said its easy, after all we're set apart
Next to each other we send a glow, that touches every heart
Can you truly follow with all you have and more
If you can  then welcome, to His salvation door.

Love Always.x