Break Through And Soar

  "You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away." (Job 11:16)

Through pain, comes understanding. In time, this understanding will help us to better connect with others and hopefully ease them out of their current situation. This is the ability I can honestly say I have learned through these past years of anguish. I will do all I can to ease the mind of whomever I can and I genuinely love being able to at least hold someone’s hand in the hard times they are facing. This is especially true, when it is my family.

The saying `God works in mysterious ways' is absolutely relevant to this phase of my life and to that of my family. Over the years my wayward behaviour and mental afflictions have caused so much worry in my family that it has not only hurt us all, but strangely brought us closer together. This time has been no exception. While I would never wish for me or anyone else to go through these extremes of self sabotage, this time it has been a surprisingly positive experience. My family although already close, are now closer than ever. However, this time, we have all laid our hearts down more honestly than I ever could have imagined.

In these last few months and years, I can honestly say we have been going through some incredibly tough times. My mum and sister especially. If it had not been for my breakdown and my mum being off work with a medical condition, I doubt this openness would have happened....until it was too late.

I have been so blinded by my own misery that I failed to see that these two amazing women, were suffering too. No, there is not a label for the pain they are feeling, but it is just as powerful and just as dangerous. They do not see how wonderful they are and they think that they are not worth a thing. They feel trapped and guilty and the walls they have held up for so long, have come tumbling down. My heart is breaking and I know that my calling is to put them back together. Like they have done for me, over and over again.

Somehow, all at once, including my Dad, we have allowed our vulnerabilities to show. I am humbled by the sheer bravery it has required for them to do this. It is the first step, but it is not the last. I always used to say if I could give anyone a gift, it would be for them to see themselves through my eyes. This is the gift I must pursue for them.

If the Lord has taught me one thing, it is that we need love and lots of it. In our misery, there is no love present, specifically for ourselves. It is hard to feel love when all we see around us is the trappings of the life we pursued where we never feel we measure up. That game continues on for all our lives until our pain manifests itself in illness and eventually our often too early demise. This realisation is not new to me, but now it has finally sunk in. We do not need to stress, to worry about the things of the world, for they will only ever offer a temporary release, a distraction from what we really need. Love. Faith and patience.

Jesus has taught me the importance of family. He has taught me the importance of Faith. These are great lessons but kept within, they do no more good than winning a million pounds and keeping it under your pillow. I must share what I know, not because I want to preach or rally people to my beliefs, but because I want happiness and love to work the miracles I know it can if people just gave it a try.

The Realm of Glory doesn’t just have to be there when our physical bodies no longer exist, it can coexist within the world our tainted minds created. Instead of walking against the flow of life, we learn to flow with it and in that space, we can not fail to feel the Glory. As for my family, they are closer than they think to freeing themselves of the burdens they carry on their hearts and minds. This is the tough time, the time of learning, so that we can all break through and soar.

Love Always.x